the death eater song fic saga
by thedragonchaser
Summary: for every death eater there is a song heartache, lies, death, bellatrix, rodolphus and severus so far 5 more to go. VOLDEMORTS CONTAINS EXPLICIT MATERIAL.
1. Chapter 1

_I'll have to leave, but you are still sleeping_

_There's nothing to say, our time has run out_

_You took me to bed, that's what you were seeking_

_But you don't even care what I am about_

_I __wanna__, I __wanna__ wake you_

_Leave me alone, _

_I __wanna__ go home_

_I don't __wanna__ see you, so leave me alone_

_Leave me alone, 'cause I feel like dying_

_Leave me alone, I __wanna__ go home_

_The day will still come when I see you __you will get yours, _

_just leave me alone_

_But what if I stay and wait till she comes home_

_She don't even know, she loves you in vain_

_The lies that you told will turn into sorrow_

_I __gotta__ go crazy just to stay sane_

_I __wanna__, I __wanna__ break you_

_Leave me alone, _

_I __wanna__ go home_

_I don't __wanna__ see you, so leave me alone_

_Leave me alone, 'cause I feel like dying_

_Leave me alone, I __wanna__ go home_

_The day will still come when I see you crying_

_Cause you will get yours, just leave me alone_

_I __gotta__, I __gotta__ hate you_

_Leave me alone, I __wanna__ go home_

_I don't __wanna__ see you, so leave me alone_

_Leave me alone, 'cause I feel like dying_

_Leave me alone, I __wanna__ go home_

_I couldn't care less if love just lies dying_

_And this is goodbye, just leave me alone_

Bellatrix kicked at the flowers of Narcissa's Rose bed as she strolled out of the Malfoy grounds. She stopped only for a moment the red glow of the rising sun illuminating the fountains in the gardens; she turned back to the house, it still seemed to be sleeping. Not even a curtain twitched to say goodbye to the frequent night time visitor, who came and went with the darkness like a stray cat.

Lucius had laid in bed still slumbering on as she pulled her feet into her boots; she hadn't even been trying to be quiet. He may have just been faking sleep so as to not have to talk to her the morning after; he was never very good at post coital conversation. According to Narcissa he didn't even speak to her much after he had spent himself inside of her, but as a good little wife she could understand that. But Bellatrix, as a lover could not. Even Rodolphus who barely ever spoke a word in public babbled away to her in private about any rubbish that happened to be on his mind. So sometimes the silence with Lucius was a good thing... sometimes.

Bellatrix pulled her robes tighter round herself for the apparation back to her house and husband, once she was out of the grounds. She looked back one last time, she thought of Narcissa coming home after her weekend in Paris. She knew the sheets her and Lucius had soiled with would have been washed, her deep red lipstick would have been removed from both the wine glass and Lucius skin and there would once again be no trace of her ever having been at the manor and life there would carry on in all its crystallised perfection. Narcissa didn't know how lucky she was.

It wasn't till her body came back together she realised she had not made it home. She was about five feet away from where she had been standing...

It wasn't till the tears cleared from her eyes she realised she had made her way back to Lucius bedroom, and she was stood over him, she fought back that sting of salt water that burned her cheeks. She thought about it all, every kiss he had planted on her lips since they were children when he told her he loved her and only her. The way her heart had broken when he placed his family crest ring on Narcissa's finger. The day that they named their son Draco, a name that Bellatrix had been asked to select. Her wand was over Lucius chest that moved steadily with every intake of air, how could she answer for it? To the dark lord, to her sister and to herself. She placed the oak shaft back in its holster and wiped her eyes.

It was so hard to hate a man she had loved for so long.

She looked at his sleeping face, brushed back his hair, kissed his forehead that was creased for whatever dreams troubled his sleep and once again left the manor. Every time she walked that green mile through the garden she swore it would be the last time, that she would never again be won over by the charm or the smile of Lucius that those blue eyes would never again pull her into his bed with it soft pillows of sweetest lies. But she would; she always would he had a power her that even Voldemort couldn't break.

She made it home with that apparation. She collapsed on her own bed, next to Rodolphus, who even in the daze of sleep managed to wrap his arms around her like a snake. She felt his weight shifting into the land of the living as his breathing changed. Taking advantage of every moment his wife spent in their bed by waking up. There had never been any question that he loved her, when their wedding was announced he had been so happy he had smiled for days after their engagement party.

"The dark lord does keep you busy my love!" even if he suspected her infidelities he had never said anything to her about them, never questioned where she had been. He removed her cloak and boots to make her more comfortable and unlaced her corset, how he didn't smell Lucius all over her was a mystery. He magically removed what remained of any make up and tucked her into the soft blue blankets of their bed. He kissed her lightly on her now clean lips. She smiled weakly at him as she brushed his cheek and once again fought back tears.

It was too hard for him to mistrust someone he had loved for so long.


	2. Chapter 2

Sometimes I feel I've got to Run away

I've got to Get away From the pain that you drive into the heart of me

The love we share Seems to go nowhere

And I've lost my light For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

Once I ran to you Now I'll run from you

This tainted love you've given I give you all a boy could give you

Take my tears and that's not nearly all

Oh...tainted love Tainted love

Now I know I've got to Run away

I've got to Get away You don't really want IT any more from me

To make things right You need someone to hold you tight

And you'll think love is to pray

But I'm sorry I don't pray that way

Don't touch me please I cannot stand the way you tease

I love you though you hurt me so

Now I'm going to pack my things and go

Tainted love, tainted love Touch me baby, tainted love Tainted love

She was out again, it was starting to feel like she away from him more than she was with him, it didn't help that when she was there she was so vacant and distant that it didn't even feel like she present anyway, in Bellatrix' world there was one person and It wasn't him. He did he best, making idle conversation, trying anything to win her over. She had been that way since they had first been introduced, he thought with time that he could have won her over, that the silence and death like shroud she put on every day was just a face to the world and that with him she would be different. He was wrong.

Rodolphus sat staring into the flames of the fireplace and drained another glass of brandy. Once again he sought his Dutch courage at the bottom of a bottle, once again not to find it. If she didn't love him there seemed no point in wasting his time with her anymore. He had written the note once again telling her he was leaving. Maybe if they had had children he would feel guilty, but she had seen to that and he couldn't understand why, the scornful way she treated Draco, any child of hers would only have a life of misery, even though he would have loved one more than himself.

He leant on the mantle above the blaze, looking at his wedding photo, her deep sullen black eyes, giving away nothing even close to an emotion on what should have been the happiest day of her life, and he sneered at his own stupid grin. It had been the happiest day of his. He remembered the jokes "_good luck, you'll need it... she is a handful... __" _It was Lucius who had given him the final pat on the back, _"take good care if her, she is practically my sister!" _

He threw the now empty brandy glass into the fire, yeah right sister, if normal people fuck their own sisters. Every death eater gathering he had to endure it. The way Bellatrix would always lean that little bit closer to Lucius, the way her gloved hand would always find a excuse for contact. Did she think he was stupid? That after all those years of rattling around with her in the semi- life they had created together, that he wouldn't know every little move of her body, the rare occasion an emotion would blink in her dead eyes, that he didn't smell him on her when she came home.

He remembered when they had been caught at school, Lucius with his hand snaking up her thigh beneath her skirt, her lips parted and panting waiting for him. How he envied Lucius then, every moment she spent wanting him like she yearned for no other man. He remembered the tears when Lucius announced his engagement to her sister, they were silent and they were beautiful. He had wanted to be there for her, to make it all better, he would have walked over broken glass to make her happy.

His bag was packed and he was ready, the note was on the table, he just had to walk out of the door. But if that was all he had to do, why was it so hard? She treated him like shit and worse. She had never loved him, when their marriage was arranged she didn't even pretend to be pleased with him. He sat on the stairs looking at the front door, willing his feet to carry him out of it. To start a new life somewhere, any where away from her; to get over her one day at a time and move on and live his own life.

The more he tried the harder it seemed, it would be more of a dishonour than anything else he could ever do to her, and despite everything, he couldn't shake the fact that he loved her to much to do that to her. Someone had to protect her in the world, even from herself.

As he placed his robes back in the wardrobe next to hers, he brushed the soft black velvet of one of her dresses, he remembered it well, the way she danced and moved in it at one of the rare social events she had blessed with her presence over the years. Looking back on it she may have even smiled that night. It dawned on him then, if Lucius had indeed broken her heart, how could he ever expect her to love him? The answer was simple he had fallen in love with someone who did not have it in her to love him back. He made sure he burnt the note and then went to bed to wait for her and clean up whatever mess she was in. Again.


	3. Chapter 3

Would you dance if I asked you to dance?

Would you run and never look back?

Would you cry if you saw me cryin'?

And would you save my soul tonight?

Would you tremble if I touched your lips?

Would you laugh? Oh please tell me this

Now would you die for the one you loved?

Hold me in your arms tonight

I can be your hero, baby I can kiss away the pain

I will stand by you forever You can take my breath away

Would you swear that you'll always be mine?

Or would you lie? Would you run and hide?

Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind?

I don't care, you're here tonight

I can be your hero, baby I can kiss away the pain

I will stand by you forever You can take my breath away

Oh, I just want to hold you I just want to hold you,

oh yeah Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind?

Well, I don't care, you're here tonight

I can be your hero, baby

I can kiss away the pain

I will stand by you forever

You can take my breath away

The closest thing he would ever be to sharing her bed was lying there next to her grave. He had placed a lily on the dirt that now covered her body. He didn't cry, he had no tears left. He had not been welcome at her funeral. His fellow death eaters had celebrated her demise rather than mourn her. He couldn't face either of them, her friends couldn't love her enough to justify the tears they had shed, and the dim witted death eaters, couldn't comprehend what a loss she was to the world. And the fact that they had also lost the dark lord that night. ..._imbeciles..._

As Severus lay there looking up at the stars his mind raced over every moment he had spent with Lily, the good times and the bad. Their short childhood together was the happiest time of his life, right up until the day he called her a mudblood. It was all over then, he remembered it so clearly watching all the love, if he could call it that drain from her eyes, and then reignite when she looked at Potter.

He cursed James for dying first, for not being there to jump in the way, to save Lily; instead he died like a coward before the dark lord. If she had been with him he would have done it, he would have saved her somehow. James didn't love her enough to give his life for her.

He lay there for what seemed like forever, until he heard the foot steps and the voice.

"It won't bring her back Sev, as much as you may want it!" Lucius broke his tentative silence, between an inhale of a cigar, flicking the end onto the plot of land that James lay under, putting out the faint amber light with a forced expulsion of saliva.

"She should never have been killed in the first place." Severus confided his true feelings in very few people, indeed Lucius may have been the only one who truly knew just how deep Severus felt about the red haired woman. Lucius stifled a half laugh.

"The little bitch was like venom for you and you know it, you could never focus around her, she made you weak and pathetic, and you are no use to anyone in that state, get over her and move on, find a nice pureblood witch and fuck her like crazy until all the green eyes and ginger hair in the world are gone from your thoughts then maybe you can put that clever mind of yours into finding a way to bring the dark lord back!"

Severus rose to full height from the dew soaked ground of the grave yard, his wand held firmly in his hand, "I will pretend I did not hear that. But if you ever sully her memory again I will make a widow of Narcissa," Severus began to walk away. "And a very lonely woman of Bellatrix!"

Lucius did not respond, but Severus felt his presence leave with a pop of dissaparation, he could only take so much of Lucius and his smart mouth. He walked into the darkest part of the graveyard, long past broken tombstones of forgotten dead, piled high with the perfume of dead flowers and rotting earth, as his mind wandered he thought of all the lives that would never be the same again after that night, the sheer magnitude of what those three deaths meant. No more Potter, no more Voldemort. The war was over. No more Lily, his life might as well be over. But there was Harry, the boy who would never know his parents, never know the love if his mother. The boy was little more than a baby and already Severus felt a bond with him, _yes baby Harry neither of us will know her love. _

He sat on an old tree stump in a clearing looking out over a small shallow pool of water, reflecting the moon amidst ripples caused by a lonely old toad. It was then he saw it, only faintly moving in the shadow of the trees, a silver ethereal light. But even in the illuminated shades of grey how knew the red hair, the green eyes. He knew her, and her smile. Her feet danced over the water, her hand found his cheek, and his eyes found hers.

_"I love you lily..."_

When he opened his eyes again she was gone, where the moon had played with the water in front of him now the orange glow of the rising sun reflected like a mirror of fire. It was time to face the world again. As death eater, spy, murderer, he really didn't know anymore. In losing her he felt as though he had lost the one solid thing he had to hold onto, even if she wasn't his to hold.


	4. Chapter 4

There's no time for us

There's no place for us

What is this thing that builds our dreams

yet slips away from us

Who wants to live foreverWho wants to live forever...?

There's no chance for us

It's all decided for us

This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us

Who wants to live forever

Who wants to live forever?

Who dares to love forever?

When love must die

But touch my tears with your lips

Touch my world with your fingertips

And we can have forever

And we can love forever

Forever is our today

Who wants to live forever?

Forever is our today

who waits forever anyway?

He had never wanted to admit how tired he really was, always strong, always ready, always running, never resting. The cheers and shouts around him gave him little if any comfort. There was no answer to why he did the things that he did, only power only glory. To not be another forgotten face amongst the millions of faces in the world that came and went with out leaving so much as a finger print on the pages of time and space. He turned to her face, in the crowd of jeers and celebration. What was the point of it all?

Looking at her he felt the last piece of his already severed soul breaking. She didn't love him. She didn't even entertain him in her thoughts. He had broken his soul into seven immortal pieces to live forever. All he wanted to do now was end it all. Once upon a time it had all been worth it.

It didn't matter anymore, if she didn't love him there was no point.

Voldemort, Lord Voldemort, the dark lord, he who must not be named, Tom riddle, little Tom.

He watched her at her husbands side, holding onto his arm, he was already well on his way to the core of pure evil when she had come into his world, on another mans arm. _"__My__ lord__ please allow__ me to present __Miss__ Narcissa Black."_ She had bowed, low, as Lucius had told her too, her beautiful face hidden in curtains of seraph blond ringlets.

He exercised his power truly for the first time that night, he took her to his private room, he questioned her, what made her think she could be the wife of a death eater? He had her lay back, he had her open her legs, he slipped in a finger, two, three, four, his fist. He felt her convulse he watch her blue eyes close, he watched a tear role down her cheek. He saw her son being born. He slid himself into her , her nails clawing into her own flesh to help her deal with the pain. Her tears were silent. _Do you want to live forever __too._She didn't make a sound. She took it like a true death eater, he marked her, but it wasn't a mark anyone would ever see. It was his secret mark. His snake in her flesh. Lucius would have the honour of being where the dark lord had been, not that he would appreciate it, just like he would never appreciate her that way that he did then.

What would Lucius say if he knew she too had left her sickly sweet mark on the dark lord also, for a moment despite the pain she smiled. Only for a moment if he had blinked his snake like eyes for even a second he would have missed it. He helped her up and kissed her hand, she could hardly walk when he gave back to Lucius, he knew what the dark lord had done to his bride to be, but could do nothing about it.

She didn't love him, just what he did for her in that one moment, taken over the bed of the dark lord, she would remember that till the day she died, he dared hope that on that rare night when Lucius wasn't man enough to go as deep as he did that her thoughts would fly back to that one perfect second when she allowed her pleasure to match that of the dark lord, when he made her a woman. A wife of a death eater.

When her daughter was born the dark lord was the one who dashed the baby girls brains out, _Malfoy wives only give birth to sons. _Narcissa was told that the baby had been born dead. She had cried and begged Lucius to forgive her for her mistake. He played it out to its full till she begged him to go back to her bed and let her try again. She had a boy after that.

Tom stared at his shiny bald head in the mirror when everyone had gone and left him to himself, it was rare but it happened.

There was a tap on the door, he smelt her before he saw her.

She came in and bowed. Low. As she had been told to do.

She lay back as she had been shown to do all those years ago.

Lucius clearly wasn't being much of a man.

Who wants to live forever?


End file.
